Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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