just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
