the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
