My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
