We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
