Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
