Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
