saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
