his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
