I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
