Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
