this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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