TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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