I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
