My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize