I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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