its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
