all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
