He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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