I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Less talking, more tequila
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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