babies were throwing up all over the place
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
