I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
