Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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