ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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