If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize