Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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