I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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