I could make wine with my vomit
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
