Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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