I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
