i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I believe in your delicious
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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