Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
