Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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