just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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