Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
