i need an iv and a liver transplant
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
