I'm pants shitting drunk right now
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
