did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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