I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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