She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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