Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
nutella sex= disaster
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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