How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
