i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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