Ambien. No doubt about it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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