3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Fuck appropriateness.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
