all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
