Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
