Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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