"it" just moved
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
