We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
