I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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