My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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