i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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