wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
