I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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