I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
