the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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