oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
