It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize