yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
