Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
