nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
