You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
