some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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