Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
