Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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