so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
