New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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