How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
