It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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