woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
