even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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