Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
