neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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