I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
