Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
