I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
