I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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