Acid is not a monday night drug
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
