You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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