I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
