Yo dont text me then not text me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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