She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
