Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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