he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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