how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize