he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
