when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
