Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
