Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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