This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
