If i come over, it means nothing
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
