Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
