Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize