mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
