this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
