its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
