Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
