woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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