Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
