There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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