But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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