we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
