I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
